Get Me on Live with Regis and Kelly

One of the questions people ask me about book promotion is "When are you going to be on Oprah?" I don't want to be on Oprah (though if they called, I might reconsider). Oprah is not my holy grail.

My Holy Grail is Live with Regis and Kelly.

Why? Why not?! Kelly Ripa is a South Jersey girl through and through and has said that she vacations in Ocean City. Her father is a freeholder in Camden County -- MY county -- and her uncle was the janitor at my grade school (St. Francis de Sales, baby!)

It's a fun show. I like the energy and zip. When it's on while I'm at the gym, I run faster, bike quicker and elliptical...well, my legs move more than they usually do.

I've got a lot I could talk about -- classic Jersey Shore foods (or classic and soon-to-be-classics), fun facts about that spot by the shore, or why South Jersey girls are the best. I'll make salt water taffy, work a day at the alpaca farm, or even sit on the Wildwood boardwalk holding a slice of pizza, a hot dog and curlie fries to see which one the seagulls take first. Come down during Weird Week to tape the spectacle. Hey, I'm judging the Miss Crustacean pageant, so I'll already be there.

I've even got TV experience -- taped and live -- to prove I won't freak out on camera. I'm perky. I'm peppy. I can improvise. And I'm blond. What more could they ask for?

So, dear readers, I know that you are far flung with wide connections. Can you get me on Live with Regis and Kelly?